Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
