I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
