so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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