i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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