everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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