I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
