Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize