It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
