I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
