Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
