So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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