I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
