Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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