it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
