He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
