I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
