I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
