it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Your cock deserves a montage
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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