my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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