White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
