I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
