Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize