So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
