a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
