just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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