I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
