My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize