Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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