Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
