so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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