Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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