Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
