mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize