I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
