dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
