just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize