I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
