Christians are straight up FREAKS
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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