Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize