I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
