Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize