She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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