You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
