I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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