I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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