Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just want to make out with him forever
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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