So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
