Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize