i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
