9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
