scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
