i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
