all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
