yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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