I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
