apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize