I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
