We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
