My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
