he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize