well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
