Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
