Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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