dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
