he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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