she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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