I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
