I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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