she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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