He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
