He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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