the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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