at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
