LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
