I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
