just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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